"Oh God, she's back?"

Hello, LJ world!  I'm on ambien, which is a little like being drunk, but I realized that I never post and I reread a comment on an lj in my gmail account from like two years ago, and it was fun.  It was even fun to dramatically plan out an escape to East Asia because college sucked and why play into the whole higher education bullshit, anyway?  I'm not saying it was brilliant or soul-searching, I just miss bullshitting.  So I'm going to keep doing it, regardless of whether or not people I know actually post or respond.

SO.  I'm actually going to Thailand.  No, but really this time.  Or I applied to go to Thailand, and there is a chance I will get in, and if I DO get in, it works well with my schedule (*knock on wood*) since it's over winter break.  How fucking awesome would that be?  It would be taking care of elephants, in a rural setting, which I think anyone can agree is not necessarily the first hobby people think of when they think of me.  But I'm psyched, and I think I'm going to learn a LOT of things I never would otherwise, and I'll attempt to grow in the process.  Meanwhile, I am moderately nervous about the fact that I could not run a mile to save my life, let alone trek through the countryside.  Is it called countryside?  We'll see, I guess.  But I will try to prepare myself for the walking parts of the trip, and find out if any of these gyms has a sauna so I can prepare for the heat.  Assuming we're going at a hot time of year.  My goodness, I need to find out more about Thailand before I go there.  And eat more Thai food.  Best self-assigned homework ever.

This is the first time that I have sat down without a tv or a book or friends in the past month.  Actually, I'm in my friend's room, but she's working on shit.

So I'm at U of I and, generally speaking, am incredibly happy with it.  I like the campus.  I like the people.  I like two (maybe three) of my five classes, and am not yet terrified of any of them, although it's the second week, which I should take into consideration.  I expected to miss Carleton a lot more - the people, the classes, the warm and fuzzy administration.  And it's true, there are a few people at Carleton who I really regret leaving.  At least when I moved away from my friends in Illinois, we all reconvened at some point during breaks, and I don't have that with anyone from Minnesota. 

Apart from them, the only thing I miss is actually part of my reason for leaving in the first place - down time.  At Carleton, I was left to my own devices most of the time.  I might have had more homework, but we I spent less time in class.  I had friends to call if I wanted to hang out on a Friday or for a meal, but I had no overwhelming impulse to see anyone.  This is a bad thing in the sense that I was at a low level of unhappiness for nearly the entire time I was in Minnesota, but there's a weird contentment that comes with living entirely at your own pace.  I drew, I read, I watched a disgusting amount of television, and I was in control of my eating habits to such a degree that I could have gone on a Bally Total Fitness Diet with no real problem - I didn't go out or see people when I ate, so temptation would be at a minimum.

And, of course, I got antsy like I do now and when I got upset there was no one to anchor or distract me.  There were times when the realization at  how much effort I put into filling all the hours in a day seemed insane.  But after a while, the experience calmed me down.  Once I accepted the (generally unfavorable) situation, I had complete control.

I think I'm trying to explain to myself why it's worth it to be here, at the mercy of my surroundings, instead of back in Minnesota.  Generally speaking, I'll take the safe choice over a potentially huge pay-off any day.  Maybe I'll change my mind later this semester and decide I preferred knowing that it couldn't really get any worse.  I'm neurotic enough that having that stability will probably look pretty awesome if and when shit hits the fan here.  But for now?  Well, fuck.  I really have nothing to complain about.

Other than I'm in the Vagina Monologues and I have to tell my mom, of course.  Jeez louise.

I've been trying to type up my sociology notes but I couldn't sleep last night and ended up getting like three hours and I keep making typos.  It's like being drunk, I have to read through everything I type after I'm done to make sure I didn't just leave out a word.  When I was in high school, i was better at this, I am clearly out of practice.  Also, I will find out about transferring soon, which is extremely exciting.  I talked to an admissions adviser, and my informational packet was sent yesterday.  Woo!

Also, I bought vine charcoal and two rubber erasers, so maybe I will continue drawing when I get back?  It's kind of fun.  I wish I could take my professor back with me to Peoria, without guidance my drawings usually end up looking like I got pissed off halfway through and made shit up which, I mean, is true.

Ahhhh I am going to bed, fuck Sociology.

OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Sorry.  Whenever I try to say something else, that just comes out.  I am incredibly happy.  That was an amazing day.

And I keep wanting to focus on the unabashedly racist comments I heard at my enlightened little liberal arts school, or the facebook statuses that say "congrats america, you elected the antichrist", or the states that passed some really fucking bizarre ballot measures.

But I am not going to do so.  Why?  Because HE WON.  So I am just going to hold on to that, and the fact that the next four years are going to be at least better than the last four.  So it doesn't matter.  Sarah Palin, as a PERSON, does not matter.  With any luck she just won't make it to 2012, either because they decide she abused her power or because she wants to stay home to really push that abstinence-only thing with her other four kids.

WOO obama.  Best Tuesday ever.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
I can safely say I would feel no pain

You're trapped in a room for 3 days with your ex, what do you do?
Probably chat for a while like nothing happened, then start a fight, then apologize for more than the fight was actually about, then resent myself for doing that and start another fight

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Ashley

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
The people in my neighborhood in Chicago

How do you feel about the last person you kissed?
Thaaat was unfortunate (I stole susu's answer)

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
rarely

Has someone ever made a promise to you and broken it?
When people don't believe that what they're promising is fair, it's not going to last long

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
No

Do you think you'll be in a relationship in two weeks?
I'm gonna go with no

Does anyone hate you?
Hate, probably not.  Hate on, yes.

Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
Hellz yeah washington cheerleaders.

Do you currently have a hickey?
Aww this is when you know you're too old for lj surveys

Do you think you can last in a relationshp for 3 months?
No

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
I don't think I've ever seen that work in real life

Would you ever kiss anyone 16 and over?
I'm pretty sure at this stage in my life it will be only people 16+ from now on. 

Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Hell yeah ocean

Why is your relationship status the way it is?
I am both judgmental and socially awkward

How long is your hair?
Past shoulders

What color are your eyes?
Brown

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yeah, I think I'd rather know than wonder about it regardless of whether I like them

Have you ever missed someone,and reconnected with them?
Yes?

Looking back, did you ever think youd be where youre at in life now?
I probably would not have pictured myself in Minnesota applying to transfer to U of I

What is one thing you could do without?
Fucking co-ed bathrooms

I figured out that when I'm stressed out I make strings of sarcastic comments with no real point or punch line and tend to dominate conversation entirely in an effort to distract the person I'm addressing and myself from the myriad of awkward comments or pauses or slip-ups I made five minutes ago.  Which means I'm my father, basically.  I guess I've always sortof known that, but hopefully saying it explicitly will help me to stop doing it in the future.  I don't want to be that person.  How can I be too shy and also talk too much?  How does that HAPPEN? 

I realize that I do not have social anxiety.  But I've spent the last week sitting in my room because being around people here makes me anxious.
I have selective social anxiety.  Or maybe I am just selective.  That sounds better.

I like my new adviser a lot.  She spent two years in Canada working on a human rights commission and she has a crystal in her office that she says is supposed to give out negative ions that cleanse the air and promote a sense of well-being.  Since she's been off campus she's not really sure about actual academic or administrative things, but she's nice and seems pretty genuine, and I think I can handle academic stuff on my own.  It's not rocket science, at least so far anyway.  So that's good.

People keep asking me what I studied in Chicago and I'm having a hard time remembering what exactly I learned.  I started saying, "We basically learned how to get pissed off" because I feel self-conscious saying, "We talked about what needs to change and how people are changing it" or, "We learned about inherently racist politics and white privilege."  I feel guilty, because I shouldn't be ashamed of what I spent a semester doing, or of what I believe.  I'm not a stereotype.  I say as I listen to Ani and read about the failing welfare system and contemplate obama t-shirts.  Okay, so maybe I am a stereotype, but honestly why does it matter?

How am I going to work in any possible facet of social work if I cry about everything?  I didn't used to cry about anything.  I think maybe it has more to do with me than with the world getting more fucked up.  I should know more about the news.  I need to look up more context for why things are the way they are.  It's hard to know where to start, sometimes.

GOD I get emo here.  I'm going to start exercising or walking in the arb or something.  I think maybe that'll help the antsy feeling.

I'm watching the Democratic National Convention, and I am SO EXCITED. 
Things are going to be better.  I am almost entirely sure about this.  There's the most incredible energy, which sounds really pretentious, but it's definitely true.  I've never really paid attention to a presidential race before this.  I mean, I was old enough when Kerry ran, but I just assumed Bush would lose, because Bush was stupid.  I didn't care about Kerry particularly.  And that's my issue more than it is Kerry's, because I think he would have been good and I'm sure he would have been better than Bush.  But this is the first election where I've felt like there's a possibility for someone with whom I identify, both in ideals and actions, to be in charge of the entire country.
Also, Jerry Kellman, who offered Obama his first job in Chicago, just gave a really good speech.  I wonder if he'll still be working in Chicago when I get out of school.  I wonder how qualified I'll have to be to try to work with him.  Probably really qualified.  I should probably not make that my goal quite yet. 

...I should probably watch the RNC, too.  Since it's all ideological posturing, and I must assume that McCain's supporters have those.  And I can't hate the entire party just because McCain's an asshole.  I just...I'll be less excited after that, I'm sure.

I'm going back to Minnesota in like three weeks.
Fuck that.

Also, Jim Leach, the Republican senator who's speaking at the DNC (Yeah.  That's right.), kindof sounds like Seth Rogen.  Is that weird?  I think that's weird.

Alright.  So that entry was about politics and not me.  But yayyyyyyyyyyyy distractions.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of y life.

While "social work" sounds good, and in an extremely general sense I want to work with something in the social...realm, I've mostly been navigating my desire for future employment on the idea that my only requirement is that I somehow get involved with an organization that is working to either serve people or make institutional change.  I have no idea what this means.  I've explained my vague game plan to several teachers, all of whom seem to agree that it is a valid life choice.  I think they're just being polite.  Or the range of things that fall into "acceptable" has widened since high school.  People just keep telling me that I should prepare myself to make an extremely small amount of money, which, for now anyway, I think I can deal with.

I have to stress that I have no particular desire to work in a field that is more lucrative.  Also, I have no aptitude toward any job that is considered more practical.  So it's really not anything noble.  I just think that it would make sense for me to spend my life helping people who are doing good things, since I am fundamentally unimaginative.

I miss aptitude tests.  I have a very high aptitude.  But, I mean, that's pointless.  I have the feeling that from now on I'm going to be evaluated on my actual accomplishments rather than my hypothetical abilities.  THAT'S intimidating.  What will I accomplish?  That's one of those questions I guess that no one asks anymore because they're implied when you're thinking about college and life afterward.  And everyone always rolls their eyes because they're convinced that who's ever complaining will figure it out before they do.

But I'd like to add my voice to many and say that I have NO fucking idea what's going to go on after I graduate and then onward to middle age and death.  And everyone has to deal with it, but it feels like a lot when you line it all up in front of you.  I'm not good at anything.  I have no skill to bring to my line of work.  At least, none that is needed by non-profit social activism groups.  I'd like to be an actual social worker and try to help people on a personal basis, but I don't know if I would be particularly good at it and I think I would probably get too emotionally attached.  And OBVIOUSLY I'm going to be emotionally involved.  That's why I'm interested in the entire field.  But I could see it getting to an unhealthy place. 

I think it would be satisfying to be the person that actually manages the agency or community organization.  Maybe less directly rewarding, but you could still have a say in what gets done and have an impact.  Also, I know of a lot of non-profit organizations whose main complaint is that they are poorly organized.  But I don't have any experience with that.  And, honestly, I'm not a big leader.  I don't seek positions of power and none have been handed to me because I seem like the right woman for the job.  And I'm completely comfortable with that.  The concept of me leading projects for like...real issues is just absurd.  And not going to happen.

So anyway, that little ramble was inspired by a series of bullshit answers I gave people who asked what I wanted to do after college.

I blame small talk.

I've started my job at cvs.  I had to record it somewhere.  Tomorrow I am waking up painfully early and am wearing loafers and black jeans and a shirt that I think might match the description of "business casual," all of which I bought today.  The shirt is pink and puffy and makes me look a little bit like one of those little debbie snacks that is covered in neon pixie stick dust and is probably radioactive.

As a semi-grown college woman, I feel like I should have a better job than "pharmacy technician" at the white trash cvs.  Not that I'm entitled to one, but I think most people put enough thought into their summers that they have something going for them other than "not technically unemployed."  If the center for prevention of abuse doesn't call me back this week, I'm gonna have to figure someplace else out to volunteer to justify leaving my full time job so that I can split my time between work and volunteering.  Because I right now, I'm just being lazy and playing a whole lot of rock band.

...on the bright side, I am steadily improving my drumming skillz.  Fuck yeah.

So my roommate's quasi-boyfriend has gradually made the evolution from atheism to vague agnosticism to Christianity to that unnervingly negative level of conservative religion that leads to problems.  And it got me thinking about religion.  Most of which I think is really cool and positive and powerful, and some of which scares me to un-predetermined death.

And I've been asked to make the switch from atheism to fundamental Evangelism/Judaism/Jehova's Witnesses/etc. a couple times, which is cool, but most of the pamphlets I've gotten have been kind of scary stuff.  I know, I know, groundbreaking news.  But the only thing I can think is, even if I followed every single rule, even if I decided homophobia was the way to go, even if I covered myself up and prayed as many times as was necessary and confessed everything I've ever done wrong in my life, II'm pretty sure there must be some sort of check-in you go through upon entering this incredibly narrowly defined resting place.  And I think I have a fair idea of the relatively few people who would qualify for entrance, and I am sure without a shadow of a doubt that if I got up to the gates and the Heaven Bouncer figured out that I would spend the rest of eternity picking fights with the other people trying to enjoy their rapture, I'd be out anyway. 

So my theory is, if the people who tell me I'm on my way to hell are right about everything, I'm screwed anyway.  There's no saving me, because even if I could quell all those temptations and "that's what she said jokes" for the rest of my life, who am I kidding, I wouldn't be able to handle keeping my mouth shut *for the rest of eternity.*

I have a nearly identical belief system to that of my roommates (one of whom is going to seminary and one of whom is planning to lead a church youth group), which I think is really cool.  We all believe in service and in the general equality of human beings.  They just believe that God's involved, and I don't.  And I know it sounds super hippie, but I like it, and I wanted to share it with you, five lj friends.  You're welcome.

ALSO, I spent today making tiny booklets out of a single sheet of computer paper and having an inner dilemma about whether it would be immoral to steal computer paper from Erie House since I don't do work half the time I'm there.  I decided not to do it.  I'm officially a good person.  The booklets were awesome, by the way, and I am  happy to have a new skill to add to my repertoire.

Skill List:
Make tiny booklets out of one sheet of paper, only cutting the paper ONCE...check.
Make a well-defined fish face...check.
Quote entire Ani Difranco songs from ten albums...check.
Comfort a four-year-old who's dealing with friend-betrayal...check.
Navigate the CTA without *looking* lost...check.

Real world...here I come.

I am using my sad Ani icon because I cannot explain my emotional state well in words, and I think a blue ani difranco sitting holding her hands over her ears is a good enough indicator.

In conclusion, my family is probably not the only complicated one.  And I'm not the only one with a seemingly insurmountable amount of homework due the last couple weeks of school.  However, sometimes, life is stressful.

However, I did have a really good day today, speaker-wise.  We talked to girls from Mujeres Latinas en Accion, which is a really amazing, REALLY grass-roots organization that ended up having this huge impact on its community.  It was really inspiring, as cheesy as that may sound.  And then a speaker for sexual assault prevention from the YWCA came and spoke with us, and she did a REALLY good job, and I think it was generally a good discussion.  I'd really like to work at the YWCA over the summer if I could.  I didn't know what being a medical advocate of rape entailed (being emotional support for and giving other services to victims while they're in the ER) before this, and now I think that might be something I would consider (after trying YWCA volunteering, obviously). 

Ah fuck.  I have to go to bed.

I think I am the equivalent to julia roberts in runaway bride.  Except it doesn't work the same when you don't LOOK like julia roberts in runaway bride.  'Cause otherwise you're just kindof spazzy.

I have had a day o' family.  My dad passive-aggressively brought sheree (sherree?  You know what's a word?  "Sherry."  People should not purposely misspell words for the sake of distinguishing names.  It is troublesome.) to lunch, and then decided he didn't want to do anything after so he dropped me with my mom and family for like...nine hours of quality time.  Two of which, though, I was under the influence of a strong cosmo, so I could handle the crazy.

So I met Stereotypical University of Chicago Boy.  His name is Leo. 
I met him at a fundraiser banquet I was volunteering at to help my friend (who ditched me and my ten-block walk through the south side because a chick invited him to a party, but that's another story).  It was in this big community space that included a banquet room, a bike shop, a couple offices, and a gigantic bread oven.  They're hoping to put on a farmer's market..  Anyway, they took away this AWESOME sarcastic awkward anthro major girl and stuck in Leo to help me give out free Goose Island soda and beer.  He too is an anthro major, and works in the uilding for someone who he thinks will eventually find the money to put together an online "socially conscious" newspaper.  He's going to law school in a few years to "make his parents happy" but made several comments implying that he wasn't considering any career path that wouldn't allow him to lead the yuppie lifestyle to which he has become accustomed.

He asked the usual array of college questions - what was I studying?  Did I like Clinton or Obama?  Where was I from?  And then he asked me to describe Peoria.  I explained that it was a pretty average-sized city, a little over 100,000 - no Chicago, but not exactly a hamlet.  He asked if there was a lot of corn there...I said no, corn stalks sprouting up amongst the shopping centers would be a fairly impractical way to farm.  He apologized and said he had no real concept of how to judge central Illinois cities because he was from Chicago.  When I pointed out that population was a fairly significant descriptive factor when you're looking at a town, he chuckled.  He then asked if Peoria was mostly Christian and conservative, since it was "down south."  I said that it was generally more conservative and Christian than I was, but it had fairly active Muslim, Jewish and Hindu communities.  He asked if I was Jewish.  When I said no, he asked me "what I was." 

When he was telling me about the bike shop, he mentioned a program it runs where employees teach kids in the area how to fix bikes, and after a certain amount of work, give them one of their own.  He followed with this qualifier:  "You know, poor black kids."
Heh, oh right.  Them.
I think we can fastforward through my rant about the level of arrogance people think can be excused because they have a "philanthropic mindset."  I'm not exactly the first to complain about it.  I'd just like to draw attention to the fact that this kid LIVES in hyde park, has been there for four years, and still managed to confine his views of the surrounding community members as the poor black folk that need to be saved by, let's just say, the sorts of publications he hopes will employ him - "socially conscious" online magazines that are probably going to be written for the guilt-ridden intellectual elite by the guilt-ridden intellectual elite.  I had to stand two feet away from him the rest of the night, though, so I didn't take him down.  Bah.

Anyway, he emanated a sense of self-entitlement that I thought only existed in 80's movies, when hyper-tan, popped-collared young men with flock-of-seagulls haircuts decided to make fun of mousy girls wearing glasses.

At some point in the middle of the horror show he asked for my number so he could "let me know" if anything was going on at the U of C campus.  He also said there was a party happening tonight, and I have never been happier to tell someone I was spending the evening with my mother.  I had him call my phone so I could know which number to ignore if he calls.  I'm fairly sure he won't - he seemed to be scamming on several other girls in the general vicinity. 

All in all, it wasn't ALL that painful talking to him - he was a bad enough person that it felt like a psychological study.  I think it's my fault he took my mildly horrified fascination for romantic interest.  For a while I tried to rationalize it - I know I've said things that probably came off as horribly asshole-ish to someone I was just meeting, and I remember thinking, "Oh shit.  I sound like a complete tool."  However, it became fairly apparent that he was, in fact, actually a tool.  It's nice to know, though, that as desperate as I may think myself, I am not yet to the point that I would date someone that has worked that hard to become the private school stereotype.

Alright.  My laptop died twice during that post.  I'm nervous.  I'm going to let it rest for a while.

Lost is freezing up.  I think it's a sign that I should continue my homework instead of taking an inevitably hour-long break to rot my brain.  I don't have anything left that's due tomorrow, just a lot of really big projects due in the relatively near future.  But I'm going to ignore the sign to do work, and instead talk about how much I love Obama.

His speech on race relations blew my mind.  He is unabashedly and un-abrasively in favor of fairer labor laws (which, to be fair, make sense a lot of sense - if you want people to get off welfare, then the minimum wage should be enough money so that anyone working full time would not qualify for food stamps).  He is not endorsed by the "Democratic machine."  He, unlike Clinton, was not actually on the board of Wal-Mart when it refused to allow its workers to unionize (which is, for the record, illegal) and sold "Made in America" apparel that was, actually, made in Bangladesh by 11-year-old girls.  He is not, as far as I know, in favor of a big-ass WALL around Texas as his major plan to stop undocumented immigration, which differentiates him a little from McCain.

*stops political rant*
You know what else I love?  Once More With Feeling, the fuckin awesome soundtrack to the Buffy musical episode.  It blows my mind. 

*ahem*
I hope she FRIES
I'm free if that bitch dies!
...I better help her out...

Oh, Spike.  How I love you, despite showing a painful lack of character strength.
I think I might need to invest in a Buffy season.  I've been relying on Liz and Ashley's copies (since they have the entire series and a few overlaps) but that doesn't help me here!  And sometimes I get a craving to watch sarah michelle gellar kick some ass.  I am so nerdily emotionally affected by the songs on this cd.  Every time one of the speakers in my program asks, "Where do we go from here?" I want to chime in, "When does the end appear?/When do the trumpets cheer?"

Oh shit, it's 7:00, I spent like forty-five minutes trying to find McCain's actual views on like...anything.  He talks a lot about being the most "realistic" candidate but I'm finding it a lot harder to find any concrete plans of his for the future of the country.  Other than trying to convince the moderates he won't go hyper-conservative and trying to convince the conservatives that he won't *really* let that much change happen. 

Shit shit shit.  I have to figure out what I'm doing this summer.  Fingers crossed, it will include working at Kade's.

Alright, so I have to get this first post thing out of the way.

I love my grandparents.  I'm sure most people do, but I had dinner with mine tonight and was reminded.  We went to Schooner's, the bar my grandpa eats lunch and dinner at every day and gives the waitresses candy despite the fact that he doesn't drink and is diabetic.  He's kindof a jerk, but they tolerate him.  My grandma wears incredibly bright and shiny clothing and dyes her hair green for St Patrick's Day.  They made copies of the SOS speech I wrote my junior year of high school and pass it out to everyone they know, including the Schooner's waitresses.  In conclusion, they're adorable and I plan to call them more.

I love Chicago, but I'm going to miss Peoria.  Spring break was short.  I keep waiting to grow out of liking home, and it doesn't happen.  My friends kick ass.  Yes, six lj friends.  I am talking about you.  Feel special.  I think I'm coming home this summer, and I'm glad.  I feel...like I shouldn't want to do that.  I feel like I should want to go to new and exciting opportunities in unfamiliar territory.  I'm getting over it, though.  I think I'm going to look for part-time work and some sort of social work/community organizing volunteering on the side. 

Oh, also on my train of thought: I had coffee with my old neighbor and his quasi girlfriend who I thought I would like (we both love ani!!) and it was on the harrowing side.  We got talking about global warming and my neighbor said he didn't understand why people thought it was like...actually a problem.  I said something about the storms that are generally getting worse and killing people, and she said that because of modern medicine there's no more evolution, and that storms are the only way of having population control.  She was serious.  She also casually mentioned an article she read that proposed that some cultures are, in fact, better than others.  Latin American countries have a worse culture and so do Latino communities in the US (proof: high dropout rates), so the US should protect its culture from these inferior and invading forces. 
*pause*
*pause*
*blink*
I smiled politely and said that it sounded interesting, but cultures have been evolving for thousands of years, so it seems strange to think we can stop now.  I WANTED to say that it was cultural-imperialist, arrogant bullshit.  The idea that we are "better" or that people from developing countries are uneducated or impoverished simply because they don't want to bother being otherwise is part of the reason the immigration process is made difficult.  Oh, mental tangents.  Sorry.  I'll try not to go on too many political tangents.  But jeez louise..."some cultures are just better"?  Really?

Okay, I should go figure out a project topic for "women and chicago"...is it bad that complete freedom scares the crap out of me?  Oh well.  I will prevail.

I think there is going to be a recurring section in this lj called "Caring Words From My Mother"
#1) [after I sarcastically say to my grandpa that he's mean and going to make me cry] "Cry???  You NEVER cry!"

Oh, lj.  How I missed you. <3

Hey, so I got a xanga to read my friend's posts was overcome with lj nostalgia, so I'm back.  I think a year break was good.  You should add me, because I am far too lazy to find everyone.  If the emoness takes over my lj again, I will have to, as livejournal so delicately puts it, "purge" my account.

I will give the page a short break before I come out with my first, mind-alteringly cool post.  Get prepared.

For now, I will search for those little mood emoticons and also good userpics.